Indeed, we review Hetalia fanfiction that, well... Needs reviewing.
(If you want to submit something you found, or want to add comments, feel free to submit! :D)
DISCLAIMER: Don't like what we have to say? Sucks to be you. You put something up on the internet, and you've put it for everyone to see, you've pretty much given us the right to critique it.
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Anonymous asked: you're like gordon ramsay except with fanfiction
It’s hilarious because half of us are Scottish and the other half have a crush on the bastard.
-Mod Felixx.
Question with 2 notes
Anonymous asked: is this blog dead? ;(
Short answer: No. We just have done GCSEs and A levels to get on with. We’ll be back in business soon enough!!!
Photo reblogged from MY BACKGROUND IS DICKS GTFO with 128,696 notes
env0:
To me, this post might be just as important as the bible.
One of my classes. My elderly teacher taught us this because he really cared about books.
Why does no one teach us these things anymore?
I get so uppity when someone breaks the binding on my books.
Source: maloriebrooke
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So, we heard that ‘weight’ was taken down…
We predicted this from day one. We have all seven chapters downloaded as a keepsake and the REVIEW MUST GO ON…!
So, don’t worry, we’ll be finishing the COMPLETE critique of all chapters.
However, if you’re a fan of the fic and want to (for some reason) have our non critiqued copies of the chapters, feel free to send an ask and as long as you’re polite, we’ll humor you and send them over.
Cheerio!
-Mod Felixxx.
Question with 1 note
Anonymous asked: I just wanted to let you guys know you are absolutely hilarious! I can understand why authors of these fan fictions can be upset, but to take it as far as they are isn't really right. To be perfectly honest, If I was one of these authors, I'd be applauding you, to be able to not give a shit about what I think and tell me what I did wrong in my writing! What I realized is after reading some of these posts is that you aren't flaming the authors, you are pointing out what's wrong, in a funny way.
You, dear greyface, are PERF.
All the awards.
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Review: Weight Chapter Four (Back from the hiatus, and boy, are we fucking angry).
HEY, FUCKERS.
And, uh, fans. And loyal readers.
It’s time for another installment of critiquing this pile of regurgitated vomit called ‘Weight’. This review will be done by me, Mod Felixxx, because the other D-Bag mods thought I haven’t done fuck-all enough for this goddamned blog.
…Yeah, they’re right. Let’s get this show on the road.
Weight
Authors Note: I own nothing at all.
As America was getting ready for the meeting the next morning, he was staring at himself shirtless in the mirror the next morning. He had made it a habit to squeeze his pudge every time he caught his reflection in a full length mirror. Shifting his hands from his belly to his face, he began to pinch the tiny hint of double chin that threatened to show any day now.
Okay, as we’ve pointed out before, if the poor boy HAS SUCH FUCKING BIG ISSUES WITH HIMSELF, THEN WHY DOESN’T HE GET HELP? OR LOSE THE FUCKING WEIGHT?
Alfred represents America, right? In this fanfic, it seems that the general consensus for all you lardasses over across the fucking pond is that you’re all jiggly crybabies. Honestly, if I was American, I’d be fucking offended.
I know that that’s not true. I know fat people can be beautiful and strong, despite the stigma and negativity society has put atop of the overweight majority. But, within this fanfic, we are being given the impression that FAT means that you are a constant whining baby that needs attention from your creepy-ass chubby chaser boyfriend. And while having a preference to thicker bodies is acceptable and I am NOT against it (coz, I do think that some ‘fat’ chicks are pretty damn hot) we’ve already seen how FUCKING CREEPY England is in this fic.
You guys are STILL bitching and moaning about the fact that we’re against this supposedly ‘good story’?
Fuck. You.
You mean to tell me that I’m supposed to accept and like this overglorified over-weight blob of a Nation as my ‘hero’ and look up to him, even while all he does is WHINE, AND BITCH AND COMPLAIN about how much of a fat shit he is?
IF HE DID SOMETHING ABOUT HIS WEIGHT, OR HAD SOME KIND OF ACTUAL, WELL DEVELOPED AND EXPLAINED HURDLE WHICH EXPLAINED WHY HE COULD NOT LOSE WEIGHT OR HAD TROUBLE DOING SO, THEN I WOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM.
THIS ABOMINATION YOU SUPPOSEDLY CALL ‘ALFRED F JONES’ SUCKS AS A HERO. FUCK YOU, AUTHOR. FUCK. YOU.
…
*Ahem*
England began knocking on the American’s bathroom door in worryand annoyance. “America, what’s taking you so long in there?”
Wanking.
The Brit didn’t want to leave his former colony alone for too long after that reckless display with a kitchen knife the day before.
What, the author’s PATHETIC attempt at bringing in ‘drama’ by HAVING THAT UNDERDEVELOPED PIECE OF SHIT ‘SUICIDE ATTEMPT’? As a person who has recently ALMOST LOST one of his friends (one of the mods who runs this fucking blog) to suicide, this made me fucking angry.
Hey, Author?
You’re a piece of shit for writing that scene.
Suicide isn’t to be fucked around with. Jokes? Yeah, go on. Whatever. Providing actual, well written and well developed scenes with attempted suicide/suicide itself? Yes, go on.
BUT THIS FUCKING TRIGGERING GARBAGE OF ‘OH I’M GOING TO STAB MYSELF LOL NO NOT REALLY’?
Fuck you.
He was afraid that America still had the ability to do something drastic.
“Just one minute!” America screeched throwing on a large blue dress shirt and exiting the bathroom once it was buttoned up.
“America isn’t that shirt a little too big for you?”
I bet you want something skin tight so that you can see his flab, dont’cha, you creep?
“No, it’s fine. I like baggy shirts anyway.”
“America.” England said in a parental tone.
Ugh, please put more description into the ‘parental tone’. There’s a whole bunch of different parental tones, like a kind, mothery one, or perhaps a stronger angrier, or ‘a warning’. Get your shit straight.
“It hides my fat Iggy…”
Stop calling him ‘Iggy’. I think only France called him that canonically.
It’s fucking annoying, and character-wise, I doubt England would much appreciate it, let alone accept it. Plus, they’re barely foot-in on their romantic relationship. Maybe calling him by his human name would be acceptable at this point, but this ‘Iggy’ nonsense comes out of nowhere and seems mildly OOC to me.
England’s heart clenched at that as he approached the American with a tender look on his face. Wrapping his arms around America, the Brit began to whisper words of encouragement and love into his ear.
“You’re going to do fine today love. I wish you could see how handsome you really are America…”
Look in a mirror. That’s pretty accurate.
“Th-thanks…”
“Now then, what do you want for breakfast poppet?”
The younger nation visually flinched,
H-Holy shit…
COULD IT BE?
THE AUTHOR ‘SHOWING, NOT TELLING’? WHAT IS THIS?!?!?
“I’m not hungry…”
“America, either you eat here, or I’m going to feed you myself in a restaurant on the way.”
Hey, uh, England?
America wants to lose weight for his own, personal happiness. And it WOULD benefit him.
Let him do it.
Blushing at the memory, America quickly made his way to the kitchen and pulled out a box of toaster strudel from his freezer. They were strawberry flavored, his favorite.
This, uh, isn’t caloriffic or weight-onputting at all. Totally.
“Good boy.” England said smiling at his former colony.
Ugh, my National pride is decreasing with every bit of this moron’s dialogue. I feel fucking filthy just reading it.
Once America and England had eaten their toaster strudel, they hailed a taxi, and made their way to the meeting.
You know, ‘Murica. To lose weight, TYPICALLY, you need to introduce two things to burn the fat in your body.
More excercise and less food.
Well done, you fucking idiot. You’ve screwed both of those things up.
Stepping out of the cab, America began to feel nervous about giving his presentation. He was the first speaker because it was supposed to be his turn when they took a recess the day before.
“I’m scared!” America said burying his face in England’s shoulder.
This is your country, our yankee followers!
Are you proud of it right now?
I hope you still are <3
“Now, now you’ll do just splendid, darling.”
As they walked into the building, England turned to America, “If you’ll excuse me for a moment poppet, I have business to discuss with Germany.”
America frowned suspiciously, but said nothing. Not looking where he was going, he accidentally bumped into a curtain German man.
T’was the sad day Prussia turned into a ‘curtain’.
“Watch where you’re going fat ass!” the Prussian screamed at the insecure American.
I don’t understand why Prussia is so fat-phobic.
Canonically, he’s a big fan of beer, ja?
Well, let’s think about this. Beer is calorific. It typically makes consistent and heavier drinkers ‘fat’. Hence the term, a ‘beer belly’.
Why is Prussia suddenly so mean spirited?
He’s a typically jolly guy, albeit a little irresponsible and with the tendency to tease (perhaps hiding insecurity with his ‘holier-(or awesom-er)than-thou’ vibe). He ought to be USED to fat people. Granted, it is possible he COULD have gone through something recently which has caused him to dislike fat, but AGAIN, as with a MILLION AND ONE THINGS IN THIS FIC, it is not EXPLAINED.
Note from Mod Socks: Ahah! Inner history mode here.
(The dude on the right is the one we’re talking about. Not Hitler. Ignore the fuhrer.) During the Third Reich, the infamously fat (as by Hitler’s opinion as well xD) Hermann Göring was a very important man in the NSDAP (the Nazi party), as well as Prussian history (being the commander of the Prussian Luftwaffe (air force).) He was VERY popular in Prussia and Germany as a generally cool-dude until the luftwaffe fucked up.
Not even going with the fact that I really don’t think that the countries would give a big shit about weight unless it WAS affecting the health of someone, Prussia most likely wouldn’t be the one hating on those who were overweight. That is all.
“S-sorry…”
“You got me yelled at by my bruder yesterday, that was so un-awesome you pig!”
Back to mod Felixxx: Avoiding the lack of correct grammar here, why is Prussia so pissed? He’d most likely be all giggly about how narked off he’s managed to make Ludwig by his really unfunny and stupid-as-fuck prank.
“I-“
“Prussia, will you please leave America alone! You’re acting like a real puta!” Spain yelled running up to his German friend.
…He said one bit of dialogue. And he was annoyed. He should be able to express his anger, you dipshit.
“But he-“
“I don’t want to hear it amigo, what ever Germany did to you, you deserve! You’ve got no right to walk up to someone in their own country- No even if he wasn’t in his own country, you still have no right to make fun of someone for something so stupid as weight, and you had no right to dump that ice cream on his head.
AGAIN, WHAT PURPOSE DID THE PRANK HAVE? IT WASN’T SMART. IT DIDN’T PROVE ANYTHING, NOR DID IT HAVE ANYTHING REMOTELY FUNNY TO IT.
THEY PULL THIS JOKE OFF MUCH MORE EFFECTIVELY ON GLEE.
YEAH, THIS FANFIC HAS WORSE COMEDY THAN GLEE.
It makes me sick just knowing that I call you my friend! Remember when Lovino had a weight problem? You were really supportive of him, so I have no clue why you’re doing this to America!”
Prussia stared at his Hispanic friend in shock. He couldn’t believe that Spain had scolded him, in public no less.
Oh, fuck! Not in public! Anything but that(!).
“You sound just like that stick in the mud Germany! France and I were just trying to have a little fun!”
“You took things way too far! Why don’t you just leave him alone?”
“Guys!” America yelled interrupting their fight.
They both looked at the American, one with a caring look on his face, the other with an angry one.
Well, I wonder which was which!
No, seriously. Get rid of that last part, it has little purpose.
“Can we just forget this ever happened please. I probably deserved it anyway!” he yelled, tears threatening to fall from his eyes.
Spain and Prussia both stared at the boy not believing what they were hearing. Spain felt a pang in his chest for the insecure nation in front of him. Prussia on the other hand smirked.
“See, he said he deserved it anyway, problem solved!”
Thank you.
“Callarse, Prussia! America, how can you say that? You didn’t deserve that at all!”
Spain hugged America tightly, “Lo siento Alfred…” Spain whispered to the now crying American.
AGAIN, MY AMERICAN FRIENDS:
THIS IS YOUR COUNTRY, THE UNITED STATES STATES OF AMERICA.
WHAT A FUCKING NOBLE COUNTRY. HE CRIES AT EVERYTHING.
“It’s not your fault, Spain…”
“You understand Spanish?” Spain said looking into the baby blue eyes that were filled with tears.
“Yeah, I have a lot of immigrants from Mexico, so it makes things easier to know Spanish.”
…Wow, that was THE FIRST BIT OF ACTUAL EXPLAINATION IN THIS ENTIRE FANFIC THAT MADE SENSE AND BACKED UP THE POINT IT WAS TRYING TO PROVE.
WELL DONE, AUTHOR.
Spain only nodded and let go of the American. “Do you want me to walk you to the meeting room?”
“Sure, but I don’t need your protection. We’re just two nations walking to the meeting room together, not one nation protecting the other from stupid ex nations and snail eaters.”
This is so fucking stupid.
“You two are stupid!” Prussia yelled,
Thank you, Prussia. If it wasn’t for your dipshit ‘prank’, you would be the only likeable character in this mess.
but quickly regretted it when he saw that Germany and England were watching the scene the whole time.
As Germany and England approached the Prussian, he ran towards the meeting room to avoid the lecture and beat down he surely would be receiving.
“Bruder get back here!” Germany screamed sounding scary because Germans always sound scary when their angry.
OH, MOD SOCKS WILL NOT BE HAPPY.
Why the unnecessary racism, author? I mean, did you want to dirty yourself more in our eyes?
Fine, let’s make a list of all the shit you’ve done: racism (multiple times), skinny shaming, trying to convince us that it’s okay to force other people to change their appearance for our own gain and trivialising suicide and self harm.
How the fuck do you still defend this author, guys?
“Wanker, no one says that to America and gets away with it!” England yelled running behind Germany.
“Well I guess we better follow them, no?”
“Yeah dude, lets get going!”
Walking into the meeting room, they noticed that their argument with Prussia had made them all late. Sitting down, he noticed that England was already seated with a pissed off look on his face. Smiling at the Brit, he raised an eyebrow.
“Did you catch him, Superman?”
OH, FOR FUCK’S SAKES.
I BET YOU WERE TOO FAT TO GET YOUR LAZY, JIGGLY ASS OF YOUR SEAT AND CHASE HIM FOR YOURSELF, HUH?
I BET YOU WERE TOO BUSY CRYING TO FUCKING THINK ABOUT THAT.
GO STUFF ANOTHER BURGER IN YOUR FATASS GOB. GO ON. NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ANYMORE. WALLOW IN YOUR SELF PITY, YOU SHIT.
*AHEM*
England blushed, “No, Germany stopped me because the meeting was already starting. I’ll deal with him later poppet.”
“You don’t have to…” America whispered shyly.
Shut the fuck up, you annoying piece of shit. Don’t even bother with pulling yourself around as the Goddamn hero. Author, you’ve done such a shitty job with making this characterization, you’ve lost all my fucking respect.
“But I want to baby.”
America blushed at being called such a sappy pet name, and twiddled his thumbs shyly. Once his name was called to approach the podium, he suddenly became more nervous than he had ever been in his life. Walking up to the front of the room, he noticed that France had stuck his leg out in order to trip him, to which he thankfully dodged. The room was deadly silent as America began to speak.
“So, the topic I would like to bring to your attention is global warming. My scientist think we shouldn’t be too worried because they predict that it’s only a sign of a second ice age coming which wont happen for another million years or so-“
America’s speech was cut off by a large bucket of red paint being poured on all over his body from the opening in the ceiling. The room was dead silent, until France broke it with his taunting laughter. Suddenly it was like a bomb went off. Almost every nation in the room started laughing and chuckling at the American’s pain.
YOU RIPPED OFF STEPHEN KING?
HAVE YOU NO SHAME????
“What is the meaning of this!” Germany yelled before England could start telling everyone off. Everyone went silent once more and stared from America to Germany.
“All right who’s the dead man who’s responsible for this?” England yelled also, his pirate side coming out instantly.
Oh, God. Don’t bring in this multiple personality bullshit into this. You don’t have the skills to competently explain it, author.
America stared at England in disbelief. Suddenly a thought came into his head, that brought him more pain than the public humiliation he’d just faced.
“You bitch!” he sobbed at England, and ran out of the room. Gasps were heard throughout the room, as everyone stared at the Brit.
“No, America I didn’t do this!”
UH, AMERICA, IS THERE SOMETHING A LITTLE WRONG WITH YOU?
WHY WOULD ENGLAND HAVE DONE IT?
“Amigo, don’t run away!” Spain said running after America in concern.
Figuring that Spain would calm America down, England turned towards the shocked world meeting room and narrowed his eyes.
“What the hell is wrong with all of you? This isn’t kindergarten, this is a World Meeting for Christ sake! Even if no one here did this, you’re still pathetic children for laughing at his pain! I hope you’re all bloody proud of yourselves and-“
You know, maybe he has a point, I mean-
He was interrupted by France’s giggling in the back of the room. Grabbing a chair, he lifted it over his head and threw the blunt object at the laughing Frenchmen, causing a lad crack to be heard throughout the room.
…HOW MATURE, ENGLAND. YOU CLEARLY ARE THE EPITOME OF ADULTHOOD.
France was unconscious, with blood dripping out of his nose by the gallons and this time it wasn’t from being a pervert.
Blood doesn’t come out of your nose when you are being a ‘pervert’. I suppose your blood flow levels might shift a little when you’re aroused, but unless there’s something SERIOUSLY wrong with you, it won’t cause a nosebleed.
On that note, there’s more to France as a character than being a pervert. Thank you.
England thought about strangling him right in front of everyone to make an example out of him, but he only turned to walk out of the room, “Get him to a fucking hospital…” he muttered and then walked out to find America.
List of shit Author has done: Trivialise murder, try and make physical abuse and lack of anger management okay, racism (multiple times), skinny shaming, trying to convince us that it’s okay to force other people to change their appearance for our own gain and trivialising suicide and self harm.
Walking outside, he found a frantic America being shaken out of a panic attack by a weeping Spain. “Amigo, England didn’t do this to you, I promise! Stop saying you’re going to kill yourself!”
More of trivilaising suicide. Great job.
America was covered in paint from head to toe. To England, it looked like blood covering his little nation. Running over to Spain and America, he hugged the young nation from behind.
“America, I didn’t do this to you! Remember what I said yesterday? I love you, I’ve always loved you!”
America still sobbed beginning to panic even more. “You’re lying, you’re just trying to trick me again.!”
America’s breathing became erratic as Spain and England hugged him tighter. “America, just tell us what we can do, there must be something we can do to calm you down!” the Spanish man asked contemplating slapping the nation.
“Just stop! Get off of me, I’m so nauseated, I just want to go home!” he cried.
Wah, wah, wah.
Cry harder.
“America, calm down, we’re here with you!” the Brit yelled beginning to cry just like the other two nations.
“No, everyone hates me, you’re just trying make fun of me! I-“
Spain interrupted the frantic nation by smacking him in the face. The smack had been a really hard one that made a pop sound echo throughout the parking lot they were standing in. It seemed to bring America out of his panic mode also.
Oh, that is sweet. Thank you so fucking much.
Could you please slap him again? Please?
“Better?” Spain asked wiping his tears away with one hand, with the other still wrapped around America.
“Thanks…I… I… needed… that…” he said trying to catch his breath.
England held the American tighter from behind. “I love you, America. I didn’t do this to you.”
“Yes you did! You made up that bogus excuse by saying you needed to talk to Germany, and then you rigged up that bucket! Don’t lie!”
“No America, I was asking Germany if you could speak last so you would have time to mentally prepare yourself. Germany said it would be best of you to go first to get it over with! I didn’t do this to you, ask Germany, I was with him the whole time. I think it was France and Prussia, America!”
Not meaning to victim blame, here, but England, you’re provoking them. They most likely want a reaction and England’s consistent bursts of them are really the root cause of them seeing that by ‘pranking’ America more and more to play on his feelings, then the more and more they’re going to hurt him.
“Si, America. I don’t think England would have ever done this to you!” Spain added as the American rested his head on the Spaniards chest. England felt a pang of jealousy, but quickly shook it away because he knew how much Spain loved Romano and how much America loved him.
“You two, just get me out of here, please.” he whimpered.
England took off his coat, and wrapped it around America, as Spain ran to flag down a taxi.This would have been up sooner if my baby brother hadn’t needed a bath and wouldn’t cry every time I left the room lol, thanks for reading :)
Why could could your brother have not stayed longer in the bath to stop you from writing this abomination?!
…Ugh.
See you next review.
Photo reblogged from i GOT THE TABLE T with 997 notes
Okay. Pretty sure I already posted this before but…
IT’S FUCKING HILARIOUS.
England’s face is just omfg.
I need this on my blog ONE MORE TIME!omg
oh my shit
Source: hetaliafuckyes
Photo reblogged from 愛しています ♥ with 982 notes
Hetalia AU where Sweden actually smiles.
oh lord
This SHOULD NOT BE HAPPENING
Source: germanystuck
Question with 1 note
Anonymous asked: That "Summer Knights, December Days" fanfic makes me ashamed to be part of the hetalia fandom and for being American. The states being treated like countries made me want to die of embarrasment.
I’m not even American and I feel ashamed.
How about them apples?
-Mod Socks.
Post with 5 notes
Review: Chapter Two of ‘Summer Knights, December Days’ (We’re still sobbing).
Submitter: Another chapter of ‘The Nightmare of Sane Hetalia Fans’! This might have to be put under the ‘extreme OOC’ tag as well next chapter…. Let’s just say the author messed up the canon so horribly I would rather not speak about it…. That factor isn’t introduced until next chapter, though. Enjoy~ (Or not.)
I’m screaming on the inside already. We’ve mainly sussed out that this has to be a troll. It has features and mistakes a little too similar to My Immortal, but hey, it still belongs here!
A/N sorry I couldn’t get this up I had stupid homework. UGH! FML
A part of me wishes your teacher had set more of that homework.
Had that been the case, this monstrosity would not exist.
WE GASPED!
Both? Simultaneously? At the same time?
This is so juvenile.
IT Was Kim nd Jay, my foster parents! They where really really mean and nesty,
What, ‘nesty’?
THEY LIVE IN NESTS?
THEY’RE BIRDS? NO WONDER YOU WANTED TO GET AWAY FROM THEM.
like the cheerbitches. OH NO! AND THE POLICE WERE WIT THEM TWO!
*Too, you insolent wanker.
Kim wuz cring fake ugly tears, like her boob job.
*Was crying. And I legitimately love this bit of description. No lie.
Her face wa splotchy looking. One of the policemens said to me “Summer, you’re parents had been very very worried about you and we have been looking all over the city four you” he sayeth.
…Was there any point for thou to use Shakespearean English? Really?
“NOOOOOO!” I shouted.
I transformed into my neko form.
FOR FUCK’S SAKES. WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS BULLSHIT NEKO FORM? IT’S NOT CUTE. IT LOOKS STUPID AND CONTRIBUTES NOTHING. MAGICAL ABILITIES, IF EXPLAINED, COULD.
THIS IS JUST SO DUMB, IT FUCKING HURTS.
The poleceman drooped
As his arms turned to jelly.
his gun and ran away tryin to pull up hes pants (cuz he was so fat from the doughnuts lol).
Of course. More fucking stereotypes.
“THERE NAWT MY PARENTS” I growled loudly like a neko.
Public literary message #120997
‘Neko’ refers to the Japanese word for cat.
Although it has become a popular trope for those godawful ‘neko girls’ with those shitty sparkle-cat ears and tails for no particular purpose but to apparently look dumb, using the word neko out of this particular context only means cat.
You are saying that you growled like a cat.
Not ‘hissed’.
Not ‘growled like a bullshitty neko human thing’.
Cats typically do not ‘growl’. Hiss, yowl and meow, they do.
Not growl.
The other guys looked sacred but they pulled out they’re guns. Suddenly….
December started turning into a neko two!
*Too, you scatterbrained little shit.
Her neko ears where black-purple with silver tips and her neko tail was black-purple with a siler tip too. Her black and silver nails turned into claws and her teeth turned into fangs.
Is it just me or is this mental image more horrifying than ‘cute’?
She growled to. We started too run toward them but they ran away! Except…..
Kim hid behind Jay and he pulled out a huge rifle and started to shoot ballets all around us!
WHY ARE THEY SHOOTING AT TWO GIRLS? WHAT? ARE WE IN GOTHAM? ARE THE POLICE CORRUPT? WHAT IS GOING ON?
Then someone very loud and wearing glasses with a leather jacet grabbed the rifle and broke it into two pieces!
And it was at that time I knew three things for certain:
One, I was a sparkly neko girl thing.
Two, Alfred can now grab guns when they’re still shooting.
And three, Alfred IS NOW RUBEUS HAGRID AND CAN TWIST SHOTGUNS.
“nO ONE HURST THE HEROS DAUGHTERS! CUZ IM THE HERO”
THIS CHARACTERIZATION.
I CAN’T.
I’M 12000% DONE.
he shouted. Kim an Jay ran away screamin like preps.
I now need to find out what prep screams are like.
I bet they’re as delicious as their tears.
He turned to us and said, “I hope you girls like hamburgers, ‘cause this is gonna take awhile.”
UH, YEAH, FOLLOW THE GUY THAT JUST TWISTED A GUN. THAT SEEMS SENSIBLE.
~=^.^=~=^.^=~=^.^=~
Neither of us ever had known our parents. December had run away form her foster parents wen she ws really really little and lived in the apartment building.
HOW DID SHE MANAGE TO SURVIVE?
Tat was befour we met. Kim and Jay hsd me since I was 3. I can hardly remember what it was like before theem… I try not to think about, but someties… Kim and Jay are such horrible people, but the government hates kids because kids can’t vote.
You know, over here in Britain, the goverment hates us because of how the media portrays young people. Otherwise we’re pretty cool with them.
I’m so happy I’m not a yank.
They don’t care if kid s live swith abusive people.
You know, over here in Britain, when my abusive stepdad was reported by the neighbors, the police and the council followed it up.
It’s great to be British.
Or, y’know, you might have this system in America, too. I really doubt it from your description, but something hints to me that the police most likely do care about minors being hurt.But… Whatever. They ‘can’t vote’.
Niether of us know were are neko powers came form.
…Neither do I.
Did I miss an episode or not read a strip or something? Do the countries have some WEIRD-ASS NEKO POWERS I NEVER SAW OR WHAT?
The man with the classes and leather jacketr lead us too the table and we sat down and he gave us hamburgers. We ate them with the sushi.
WHAT? WHERE DID THE SUSHI COME FROM?
He told us that he was America. “BULLSHIT!” YELled December and me together.
*December and I.
Also, that is the most plausible reaction in this story so far. Well done, author.
He was a crazy person! “NO NO WAIT I CAN EXPLIANED!” “America” yelled.
This grammar and spelling is beyond atrocious.
“You sea,
*SEE, YOU NITBRAINED TWAT.
every country has a preson that is the country.” he said. “I don’t get in” I said
To be honest, that is the poorest explanation of Hetalia I have ever read.
No wonder she’s fucking confused.
confusedly. “Like you kno how Uncle Sam is supposed to be America? Thats me!” he said happily and made a heroic pose.
Haha, there’s no way they’re going to believe-
“Oh!” we said, clapping our hands and feeling happy cuz we got it now!
Aaaaand they’re total dipshits.
“And you guise are my sates!” he said.
*Guys, you snot-nosed dweeb.
“HUH?!” we shouted. “You’re my kids! You have been missing for a very long tiem! Ive ben lookin for you fer years!” he said.
*Time, I’ve been ‘lookin’, you fucking toerag.
"But if your Amereka,
I’m not going to bother anymore.
You have to be doing this on purpose.
how can we be you’re kids? Were 7!”
WAIT WHAT? SURELY YOU MEAN SEVENTEEN.
I smartly said, like one of those nerds on the debate team
From your fucking stupidity, I honestly doubt this is the case.
except Im not a nerd (ew there ugly)
Yes I watched this show don’t judge me.
I BEG TO DIFFER.
and Im not on the debate team (clubs and having a social life are for preps with no personality, nya!).
Mod Socks was in the school reading club, ex-honour member of the science club, art club, was a member of the local scout troop, has done numerous bits of teaching english and english clubs and does shotput and discus, tennis and swimming.
Somehow, I think I have a personality and a social life.
“cuz my states are like countries.” He said.
No. No they’re not.
State:
Of, provided by, or concerned with the civil government of a country: “the future of state education”.Country:
“A nation with its own government, occupying a particular territory.”
“WOW!” We said. Then we looked at each other. “WERE SISTERS!” we shouted. “Your new York (AN: cuz that’s were I live cuz its awesome!)
he said. He pointed at me. “And your California.”
Firstly. *You’re.
Secondly. No Author’s notes in the middle of the fic. Beginning or end only. We’re not here for your dimwitted commentary and we don’t give a shit if you’re a yank or not.
Thirdly, you’re missing speechmarks on the end of America’s first set of speech.
Lastly, this is dumb, and how were the states formed? DID AMERICA GIVE BIRTH TO FIFTYTUPLETS EW WHAT
he said. He pointed at December too. “OMG!” we yelled.
“WERE SISTERS!”
‘Were sisters’, like werewolves?
YOU TURN INTO SISTERS AT FULL MOON AND SAVAGELY GO AROUND, INFECTING OTHERS INTO SISTERHOOD.
we yelled and hugged and felt happy. How could we have not noticed? Were like twins!
Fuck, there’s two of you?!
“Were gunna go to my house now.” said America. “lets’ go!” he shouted. He jumped gleefully. “But wait!” I cried. I looked at my apartment. It was so pretty and I have spent so much time in it and making it. It was so wonderful! I didn’t want to leave!
You probably shouldn’t.
STRANGER DANGER, HELLO?
“WAIT! What about my room?!” I said. “I dunt want to leave! I love this place!” “Oh. He said. “But don’t you want to meet all the other states?”
THERE IS MORE OF YOU? FUCK.
he said. “Yes!” Is adi.
Huh? What does that mean?
“But I don’t wanna leave!” I said kind of crying. “I would be very said if I left.” I sad sniffling.”Yeah!” aid December.
“Well…. Well think of something.” America said. “Hey! I know!” December said. “We could just bring tohe stuff with us!”
“Butt it wont be the same.” I said feeling sad. “It’ll be better!” Said Amereca. I feelt a little cheerier now.
…And that convinced you.
Wow. You’re ridiculously DUMBER THAN I THOUGHT YOU WERE.
Out side we could hear a helicotper. It was very loud. “WOW!” December and me yelled. Within seconds my head and my ears were hurting. I covered my ears with my hands.
“Here, put these on!” America shouted over the noise, handing us noise-cancelling headphones. We put them on gratefully. He climbed in, then leaned out and gave us the thumbs up to go in.
We could t talk, but the helicopter ride waz awesome! I stared out the window. “OMG!” I sreamed. WE WERE GOING OVER TEH OCAEN!
I have blood coming from my ears.
I’m having haemmorage over how horrible this spelling is.
Merica looked and me and smiled real big. “It is beautiful, ja?”
…HE’S GERMAN NOW? WHAT?
If I wasn’t his daughter I would call im really h4wt but I am so ic ant.
Getting memories of ‘My Immortal’.
“GERALD WAY.
HE’S A MAJOR FUCKING HOTTIE.”
AAAH!
“isn’t he kinda cute” said December.
“he’s are DAD, BAKA”
I know this may be an obvious question, but WHY IS AN AMERICAN STATE USING RANDOM JAPANESE DIALECT?
said giggling and punching her in the shoulder but it was okay cuz I was being kawaii.
You’re not cute.
YOU’RE NOT CUTE.
Im not a mean prep,
Again, stop the generalization.
You look close-mindedly bigoted and REALLY STUPID.
though I can hit harder then ny of those biches.
Really now?
I display qualities of a so-called ‘prep’, and I did kickboxing for several years. We’re not all skimpy, defenseless little girls.
If they new how ard I can hit they would nt never have messed with me. “LOL’ she said. She punched me in the arm.
“OW, BITCH! THAT HURT! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?” I yelled. December was awesome, but sometimes she could rwally be a bitch! She flattened her nekomimi (a/n: htat meanz neko ears in Japnese. I just learned that today nya!)
and looked down. “Sorry.” She said kind of quiet. “WHAT?!” I yelled cuz I couldn’t here her. “SOARY!” she yelled looking kinda sad.
“WHY DO YOU LOOK SO SAD?” I yelled. “DID DOS PREPS TEXT YOU SOMETHING REALLY MEAN?” She just laffed and shook her head “OKAY” I yelled.
WHAT IS GOING ON?
HET!” I yelled suddenly. We where passing over a beautiful beach! “WHERE ARE WE?” I yelled to america.
“Were goin to teh UN so you can meet the othre countries” he said
WHY?
They’re American states. America represents them in the UN conferences and elsewhere. Other nations wouldn’t care much about them, and stay out of their way unless they are linked to the state for some reason.
However, they’d still consult Alfred BEFORE going straight to the states.
They don’t CARE about you. THEY HAVE NO REASON TO.
WHETHER THERE IS A HIERARCHY BETWEEN STATES AND NATIONS, NATIONS WHO ARE BUSY DOING NATION THINGS DO NOT CARE ABOUT MINISCULE THINGS SUCH AS YOURSELVES.
‘OH MY GOD!” I yelled. “THAT IS SO COOL!” “Omg, righte?” said December. “I love England! I cant wait to meet him! I bet he’s really hot!”
Plot twist: It’s Nyo!England.
She said. “Oh me to!” I said. “I bet he’s super mega foxy awesome hot!” I giggled.
No, seriously. YOU DON’T KNOW IT’S A GUY.
Teh helicopter landed on a huge lawn. America lead us into a huge white building with a ton of flags in front.
WAIT HE JUST IGNORED YOU TALKING ABOUT HIS EX-CARE TAKER.
WELL, OKAY THEN.
He flashed his badge at a `security guard and we walked down alot of hallways with paintings and went ino a elevator. When it opened up, we were at the tippy top of the building. We walked down some more hallways and paintings. Then we went into a big meeting room. Alot of people were inside. A lot of them were arguing and two blond guys were choking each other.
Of course.
Of course.
“HEY THE HERO IS BACK” AMErica shouted. Everyone stopped talking and looked at us. December blushed, and I would have too, but I didn’t, because I hate letting people see my real feelings. I’m good at hiding them. “Kesesesesese” Said a cute guy with silver hair and red eyes that glinted like rubies. “You’re a very pretty girl”
Prussia, go back to Germany’s basement. You have nothing to do here.
He said too me. I blushed. No one had ever said anything like that to me! I liked him instantly. “Well of course she is, shes my daughter.” America said.
SERIOUSLY, HOW DOES THAT WORK?
“Ve~ I cant believe you’ve found them! It’s been so long and we have been very worried!” Another guy with a curl and an Italian accent said.
WHY DOES ITALY CARE ABOUT THEM?
“You guys know who we are?”
“Yeah! Ve~” He said. “This is so awesome!” I whispered to December. “Bloody hell, America, I can’t believe you have more kids.” A blond guy with a British accent said.
“Shut up, Arthur. Everyone, this is California and New York!”
A/N: Review, please! ;)
Submitter: This is the reason I’m ashamed to be a Hetalia fan.
Join the bloody club.
I also got more info about Summer and the author. The author’s username on fanfiction.net is *name witheld.* and her first name is Aubrey. Aubrey has black hair with blue streaks which she dyed in. I’m not suprised this is where Summer’s ridiculous hair came from.
Ugh. Nothing sucks more than bloody horribly done self-inserts.
Nothing.
Aubrey says she has ‘bluish grayish eyes’, so she is at least trying to hide the fact she is using a self-insert.
Or she’s inputting what she WISHES was her eye colour.
She’s not doing a very good job, but trying. As for December, I have a feeling she is a self-insert as well. I have no clue who she might be, however.
A friend, possibly? It wouldn’t surprise me at all.
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