WTF Hetaliafanfiction

9th June 2012

Post with 4 notes

Hetalia-Don’t Be (a less than quality fanfic with rather shitty Mary Sues).

Let’s start this party off with something that was sent in by one of my friends. Apparently it’s from dA.

…Enough said.

France X Nonak
A/N: Enjoy

Because that Author’s note was totally necessary. Really.

=
Twilightain festival, the Summer Moonlit Dance, was tonight, and everyone was invited this year.
Twilight was with her sisters in the dressing room, getting ready.

I’m guessing that ‘Twilight’ is the author’s OC, since I don’t quite remember anyone in the anime, ect being called Twilight.

Joy.

Twilight was frowning at herself in the mirror. She wasn’t use to wearing dresses or skirts for that matter.
She was in a simple black dress, thin straps, cut at the knees, with black and white stockings and black boots that

Before you ask the editing in this story is really weird. Sentences are cut off at the beginning part, and it just seems overall sloppy >.>

only went half way up her shins. She wore her rose ring, and in addition, a black and silver flower bracelet.

Nonak smiled at herself, applying a layer of lip gloss. She wished Twilight would have let her do her hair, seeing as

Twilight’s hair was down and not styled. Nonak looked at her own outfit, a strapless, sparkling purple dress that

went to her ankles and she wore matching slippers. She had her nails done, painted a shinny purple and to top in

off she wore a black choker with a purple rose with white beads hanging from it. She was really happy with her

outfit, she even flatten her hair. It was so stubborn to her.

Hanza didn’t look in the mirror, but she did look down at her dress. She didn’t really like it, but…
She wore a green dress that was cut at the knees, dark green shoes, and most in impotently, black car ears.
She didn’t bother with styling her hair, in was fine with just being brushed, and makeup was too bothersome for

her, but the cat ears were a must. She didn’t feel like dancing without them.After all, they were newly made.

Uh,… What? …that’s a random quirk.

Kiwi placed her hair clip in her hair, moving the right bangs out of her face, so both her eyes were showing. Her

two colored eyes were her beauty, and if someone *cough*Prussia*cough* gave lip about it, she wasn’t afraid of

alittle beat out. She wore a black Chinese-style dress, that showed the side of her legs, but stop mid thigh. She had

sharp nails, and painted them black with red tips. No body see, no body knows.

I actually want to stop reading because of this editing, dammit.

Utopia, though she wasn’t Twilight sister, she was still a good friend to her, was with them.
She had her hair down and was finishing putting in a sparkling, light red bow clip in her long, blonde hair. She wore

a matching red dress that twinkled, like stars in the night sky, when she moved even alittle bit. She had wore bright

red high heals to match the dress. She even put on some of Nonak’s red, cherry flavored red lipstick, and alittle

blush helped. Her nails even had a coat of sparkly red.

All five were ready for the dance, though none were prepared for what the night had in shore for them…
-
Twilight had sat out the first three songs, which America had requested. How he manged to be the first to request

songs, Twilight nor the others, would ever know.
All the man 

That should be ‘men’

were required to wear some button up shirt, any color was allowed and wear pants, most towards

France, and shoes they could dance in comfortably. No need to dance on sore feet, after all, the dance goes from 8 

o’clock to 2 in the morning. This festivity was was on of the night ones Twilight was proud of, but it left many tired.

First of the songs, that America requested, was one from his ‘old’ days called “Shake Your Groove Thing” by

Peaches & Herb. Twilight had to admit, it wasn’t half bad. Nonak was dancing with Utopia and Kiwi to it and
America was dancing like he was going through the 70s, Twilight believes. She could tell England didn’t really

approve, but he didn’t say anything when Utopia, Nonak and Kiwi started dancing. Prussia ALMOST said

something, but then Germany pointed out Kiwi’s nails.

…What the hell is going on? O.O

No, really. Let’s go through that paragraph again. So, America is dancing like he’s in the 70’s (weird description, but I’ll accept it), and England isn’t approving. Okay, I get that. But what the hell is ‘Twilight believes’?

WHAT IS IT REFERRING TO? America dancing? The music?

WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE IN, TWILIGHT? HUH?!

And then, he doesn’t say anything when Utopia, Nonak and Kiwi start partying it up. What was he going to say, though? Comment on their dancing? Or something else?

And for the further matter, why the hell did he not say anything? Is there any reason for him to keep quiet? He’s not a nervous person, so this makes little sense.

AND THEN, Prussia was mean to say something.

WHAT WAS HE GOING TO SAY? THIS IS MAKING NO SENSE.

…And then Germany points out Kiwi’s nails.

Okay, then.

The second song, now that everyone was plumbed (again, somehow America knew…) the next song was called,
“Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” it was from Cat’s Don’t Dance. This song got Greece and Hanza attention.
Because how the song was, Greece got Hanza to dance with him, it was at that moment Twilight noticed Greece

was wearing the cat ears Japan gave him. They were two ‘big cats’ dancing to a song about a cat living his dream.

The third song, which Twilight was confused since it was from Papa Sweden’s place, was called,
“Boogie Bam Dance” by the Caramella Girls. Nonak, Utopia and of course Twilight, all heard it before.

Any particular reason WHY or WHERE they’ve heard the song before?

…No?

Nonak wanted to dance it, so did Utopia, so they did, but they also tried to get Twilight to dance.
BUT, Twilight be too shy and stubborn, refused, making the two blondes dance the dance with just them, that was

until Finland, surprisingly, wanted to join in. So, the two girls let him, not knowing Sweden choked on his drink

when he saw his ‘wife’ dancing to the song with Nonak and Utopia. Twilight could see Nonak, Utopia, and her

sisters were having a great time. It was all going so well…

HOLY FUDGEMUFFINS, GUYS. I THINK SOMETHING SERIOUS IS GOING TO HAPPEN.

After the song ended, Liechtenstein pulled away from Switzerland, who was arguing with Austria about something,

Nice to see you’re being specific there, author.

and she looked through the list of songs and request a ‘sweet loving’ song. The DJ, Ralos Twilight’s younger twin brother, thought she wanted at slow song and nodded and put in a song too familiar with the crowd.

Oh, so it’ll be a universally known song, then.

He grabbed the mike and smiled, seeing everyone wanting the next song to start.
“Okay, everyone! It’s time to bring it down! So grab a partner!”
He then pressed some buttons and the song, “Last Night, Good Night” by Miku Hatsune, Append Light.

YUP. BECAUSE THE WHOLE WORLD LISTENS TO VOCALOID.

Twilight looked up at Ralos, he didn’t know this song had meaning to Nonak, but…
England walked over to Utopia, asked her for a dance, which she blushed and got his arm.

…Any particular reason WHY? Or has Utopia caught a case of the ‘desirable Mary-Sue’? It certainly seems a symptom when a guy who seems to have not had any feelings for a certain character spontaneously wants to be with her.

In any case, it’s just lazy-ass writing.

Kiwi said she needed a energy drink, Hanza and Greece both needed to get something to drink as well.
Nonak nodded to them and went to find Twilight, who hadn’t danced yet, nor requested anything. She hadn’t even moved from her seat by a white clothed table with a gollan of Blue Twilightain Wine. It wasn’t like wine France drinks, this wine wasn’t alcoholic and anyone could drink, the reason, Nonak knew, was because there was very little people in Twilight’s place that touched alcohol.

…Of course, people from Twilightain areMary suestoo good for alcohol. Any particular explanation why? Is it a universal belief there to not drink it? A religious thing? Biological?

…Nah, they’re just too busy being special little snowflakes.

Nonak smiled at your few-years-older sister, taking at seat next to her.
“Hey, Twi! How’s the wine?” Nonak said, jokingly. Twilight sighed, looking at her sister, then handing her a napkin.
*”You’re coved in sweat, and it’s burning up.” Twilight said, looking over at the couples, then back at Nonak.
“I know Ralos played this for a requested slow dance…so why are you here?” Twilight knew Nonak would love to dance with a certain Frenchman, so why was she here by someone who didn’t want to dance?
Nonak laughed, which made Twilight stop drinking her freezing wine.
“Because there’s no one to dance with.” This made Twilight sigh.

Except for, you know, the ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE.

‘Don’t lie…if you really want to, go ahead a dance with him. I promised you yesterday I wouldn’t try anything, as long as he kept it G rated.’

Someone please explain what the fuck that meant.

Really, I am honestly confused.

The song ended with little to no drama, the ‘little’ was Prussia ALMOST making fun of Kiwi, then her punching his arm.

Oh God, I LOVE their chemistry.

Nonak then went back to the dance floor, leaving Twilight with a ‘come dance soon!’ and a wave.
On her way back to Kiwi, Nonak heard some way too familiar voices.

“I can’t believe that she’s seating out on her own festival!” it was Belarus.
“I know right? Why would she? And did you see Nonak? She danced, but sat out of a slow song! How lame!”

WATCH OUT! HERE COME THE OOC FEMALE CHARACTERS MADE BITCHY FOR THE SAKE OF AN ANTAGONIST! RUN, MY PRETTIES, RUN!

That was Belgium. Her and Belarus were talking about Twilight and her. Nonak looked over and saw them.

They wearing their usual dresses and standing by the refreshments table. Nonak moved so she could listen in on them. Though it was wrong to easy drop, Nonak heard what they were saying.
“Twilight is completely anti-social! She doesn’t talk, she doesn’t smile, nor doesn’t participate in her own actives!”

“UGH, HOW DARE SHE BE SO ANTISOCIAL? THAT IS SO WRONG!”

…Am I the only one getting episode one MLP:FIM-ness from this. Especially since the antisocial one is Twilight?

…LOOK OUT, BITCH! THEY’RE GONNA SEND THE MAGIC OF FRINDSHIP ON YOUR ASS.

“I know! It’s so…embarrassing! And why’d Nonak sat out the slow dance?”

HOW IS BEING ANTISOCIAL ‘EMBARRASSING’?

“Maybe because she asked brother brother for a dance and he turned her down, which I know he would.”

Are you two honestly bitching for the sake of bitching? This gossip is so boring, I’d rather go and listen to FUCKING HITLER.

“Yeeeaaaah…but still, there’s other guys. Why not asked Spain or my brother? Why not…Sealand?”
They both started to laugh.

HAHAHA. SO HILARIOUS. SEALAND, OMG.

Nonak had heard enough. She walked down to the ramp, which lead to the hallway, to the stairs and then to roof top, where Twilight would go when she wanted to be left alone.

Let me guess, you’re butthurt?

Now, it was Nonak’s turn to be left alone. She didn’t want to dance anymore. She didn’t want to be made fun of.
-
France breathed in and out, then walked right up to Twilight. If he didn’t ask now, it’d be too late. Twilight was calm (he hoped) and was now drinking Vanilla Coke, America gave her, he was handing them out to everyone.

Awh, I thought she’d be more into her ‘special-snowflake’ wine.

France stood in front of Twilight who just stared at him.

Well, this is awkward.

“Twilight!?” he more or less yelled, annoying Twilight.

FRANCE. WHY ARE YOU YELLING?!

“What, France? What is it?” she asked, taking a sip of the Coke. Geeze, she loved the taste.
“I know you don’t like me much, but may I pleaze danze with Nonak?!”

You’ve said two lines in this fic so far, and your poor characterization is making me want to hang myself ;A;

“Okay, one; stop yelling and two; go ahead. She’s by Utopi-?” Twilight glanced at where her sisters and Utopia were, but Nonak wasn’t there. Twilight glanced around then sighed.
‘Well then…I don’t see her. She could be in the restroom, but there’s no way she’d leave this room without telling me…’ Twilight thought, then worry reached her. Using her magic, she read the minds of everyone.

…

magic.

MAGIC.

MAGIC.

MAGIC.

WHY THE FUCK IS SHE USING MAGIC? IS SHE RELATED TO ENGLAND OR SOME SHIT? BUT ENGLAND CAN’T READ MINDS. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN, MISS. MARY-SUE? HUH? ANY REASON? WHY DID YOU NOT TELL US THIS BEFORE?

Some, she wish she hadn’t, some were just talking, some were asking to be kicked, but the ones she wanted to hear…
“Hey, where’s Nonak?” Kiwi asked.
“I don’t know, she was with Twilight a minute ago.” said Utopia.
“She in the bathroom?” Hanza asked.
Then the thoughts of Belarus and Belgium.
“Completely true! Nonak won’t find a date for the Summer’s Night!”
“I know! And Twilight will just sit out again!”

Why is Mary-SueTwilight sitting out on the dance such a major issue? So what if she just want’s to chill out? 

Twilight’s eyes glowed a bright, furious red. France backed away, putting his hands up.
“T-T-Twilight?!” It was one thing with Twilight was annoyed, but when her eyes changed colors,

OF COURSE THEY CHANGE COLOURS.

HEY, TWILIGHT? WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE THE REST OF THE HETALIA CAST (OH WAIT,  JUST THE GUYS, AS THE AUTHOR SEEMS TO NOT LIKE THE CHICKS) FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU, HUH? YOU KNOW, JUST TO COMPLETE THE WHOLE, FUCKING MARY-SUE PARTY?

that’s when ‘things’ happen, like fire falling from the sky or France meeting an un-perverted France.

Because France is a pervert every minute of the every single day.

Totally.

“France. Nonak is most likely on the roof, crying her eyes out.” Twilight walked out to the dance floor. France called out to her.
“Twilight? What are you doing?!”
“I’m going to teach two girls a lesson,” Twilight’s marks of the Seven Deadly Sins appeared.

“The marks of the seven deadly sins appeared.”

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

Wrath on the left side of her neck. Pride on the ride side going down her arm. Sloth below and under her eyes. Gluttony on her belly (can’t be seen).

Then why bother mentioning it?

Lust on her chest leading up to the base of her neck. Greed on the back of her right wrist. Evny on her left wrist. They glowed with their trade colors.
“NO ONE HURTS MY SISTERS AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!”

Seriously, Twatlight, brah. They just commented on you being an anti-social person. Calm your probably double-D sized tits.

-
France dashed up the stairs, the music of ‘Down, Down’ by Jay Sean booming through the hallways.
France bursted open the doors and looked around, knowing if stayed quite he’d hear Nonak.
And, he did. The soft sobs, coming from the small tower Twilight loved.
One could hang their feet from it and jump down safely.
Nonak was there, with a napkin, tears running down her face. France frowned at the sight. Nonak was such a cheerful person.

That gets incredibly upset at the drop of a motherfucking hat.

‘It’s a crime to bring this country to tears…’
France straighten his shirt and walked over to Nonak.
“Ah-Hm…” he said, making the ‘clearing throat’ sound. Nonak jumped, startled. When she saw the Frenchman, she tried to smile, and wiped away her tears.
“H-Hi, France. Um, sorry. Something…flow into my eyes. Thought I’d cry it out.”

Seems legit.

France titled his head, then smiled softly at her and sat down by her.
“Twilight knowz.” he said, looking up at the sky, Twilight’s night sky was so blue…and sometime purple.
“Zhe read zome mindz and went to talk to zoze two…you don’t need to hide it.”

FUCK YOU, France. You seemed intelligent until you began to talk.

Nonak chuckled at this, smiling through her tears.
“That’s so like Twi, wanting to protect her family.”

By making her “seven deadly sins marks” pop out.

“Becauze of…” France trailed off, Nonak nodding to what he was getting at. France sighed through his nose, then looked back at the sky. He wanted to make Nonak feel better, but how?

Tell her to stop being such a pussy.

“What…was it that…those two were talking about that upsetting you?”
“Me.” “Qu’est-ce?” France asked, confused.

Two people talking in the same paragraph! BECAUSE FUCK GRAMMAR!

“Me and most Twilight. It’s not Twi’s fault for not wanting to get involved with others! She just has a hard time trusting outside her family and the Nordics!”

…Why?

Nonak busted into tears, remembering how Twilight use to be.
France wrapped his arm around her, holding her trembling form.
“If it wasn’t for that stupid war! She’d be smiling all the time! And…I can’t help it if some songs have meaning to me! And I’d rather listen to them then dance to them! And don’t you think it’s better to sit and talk to someone who’s too shy to ask anyone to dance with her?! I can’t stop to think Belarus and Belgium are right!” Nonak cried again.

…About what?

France understood. Twilight was shy. She didn’t like getting close, the Nordics took her in at one time, Sweden adopted her, making her his daughter and Finland became her ‘mother.’ Norway and Iceland became her big brother and little brother, along with Sealand. And Denmark, the ‘annoying’ big brother.
And…

France wrapped both arms around Nonak’s shoulders. She had once told him about North Sky. How he gave Twilight the crest shape scar on her upper back when she was still a small child. How she, her old Day-Break, and even Kiwi went to war with North Sky to protect Twilight. That’s how their ‘real’ lives started.

…WHO THE HELL ARE THESE PEOPLE?

A bitter beginning. France nodded, then left Nonak’s head with his hand and her chin.
He wipe away her tears with his sleeve and smiled as her tears stopped.
Then, he kissed her forehead. It was a shock to Nonak, since she was sure Twilight would come out and kill France, but no. Everything was the same, she felt warm.
“Don’t be. Don’t be sad or helpless or angry or anything. This is a dance, where everyone should be happy. I want to see Nonak smiling. Okay, ma belle Nonak?”
Nonak nodded, smiling now.
They walked back down, hand in hand.

Hooray for forced-on romance! :D

/sarcasm.

-
The song now playing was ‘Fireflies’ by Owl City, requested by Haven Isle.
Nonak looked around to find Twilight talking with Ice and Norway.
‘She’s…talking!’ Nonak smiled at the sight. Then Twilight turned to her PapaSweden and MamaFinland.

PAPASWEDEN-ASDFGHJKL.

I HAVE NO WORDS OR GIFS TO EXPLAIN MY HEAD-DESKS RIGHT NOW.

Sweden was wanting to do ‘something’ but couldn’t really name it. This was confusing Finland.
Twilight sighed, and pushed Finland’s back to make a scene Nonak turned away from.
‘She made them kiss….’ she thought following France to the DJ.

…What a bitch.

“Bonjour, Raloz!” he yelled, as Ralos waved.
“Quoi de neuf, la France!” Ralos said, surprising Nonak.
“Since when do you speak French?!” “Since you bought that French Translation book!”

That is totally how you learn a language, you know.

“Ralos! You play this zong?!” France handed him a CD. Rolar nodded.
“Grande! Track ONE, okay?” “Oui!”
France lead Nonak back to the dance fall as ‘Fireflies’ ended.
Nonak looked at him, confused.
“What was that about?” “I requezted a zlow zong.” he said, smiling.
Ralos then took the mind, smiling.
“Okay, everyone. It’s that time. Grab your beloved one, it’s time of a couples dance. So let’s remember our ‘Lucy’.”
Nonak heart skipped beat. France smiled, his rare one. Full of meaning, love and understanding.
“*Hey, Nonak(Lucy), I remember your name.”

…Uh… What?

-
Twilight sat on the couch with Japan next to her. She was watching everyone.
Sweden and Finland, her Papa and Mama, were dancing together, more of less awkwardly, since Fin wanted to lay his head on Sweden’s chest but so too shy to do so.
Utopia and England were dancing, Utopia’s head resting on England’s shoulder, with them merely spinning in the same spot.

SPINNING, YOU SAY?

Kiwi and Russia were smiling, both sleepy and saying ‘Kolkolkol’ and ‘Cornercornercorner.’

Hanza and Greece were sitting down, Hanza’s head on Greece’s shoulder, Greece’s head on Hanza’s head.
China had decided to stop avoiding Ralos and to go up and stand next to him and hold his arm. China was being sky with Ralos, never really knowing Ralos just wanted them to talk like friends.

‘Was being sky’

…

What?

Twilight smiled, her rare, VERY rare smile.

IT’S SO RARE!

France and Nonak were dancing, looking into each others eyes, never leaving the other.
Japan saw this too and smiled.
“Nonak-san is rucky.” he said, watching the two as Twilight did.
“Mmm.” Twilight’s respons. Japan then glanced at Twilight’s hand. Her right hand was right there….
Japan sighed and spoke in Japanese, forgetting Twilight spoke his togue perfectly.
“Watashi wa anata no te o nigiritai to omoimasu.”
Twilight looked at him, then said,
“Naze anata wa shimasen ka?”
Japan blushed then took Twilight’s hand in his. Twilight looked back over to Nonak to see a scene she had to reframe herself from KILLING France.
“….he’s kissing her….ON the lips…..”
Japan had that anime sweat drop appear as Twilight yelled.
“FRANCE!!!! I SAID NO KISSING!!!!! YOU WANT TO BE PUNISHED TOO!!!!!???

And that, THANK FUCKING GOD, is the end of that!

Well, it started out harmless enough, but progressively got worse. Why would you antagonize the girls? They weren’t even doing anything wrong for fucks sakes! Their ‘bitching’ was completely pointless and… Sweet jesus, what the hell was up with the grammar? Especially towards the end!

Please sort Twilight’s character out. Just… Please.

Remove the magic or the “Seven deadly sins” bullshit. Or at least EXPLAIN THEM.

…Just, ugh -_-

Tagged: HetaliaFanfictionReviewMary SueWTF Hetalia fanfictionOOCKill it with fire