Good day, dear followers, and welcome to a yet another review.
It seems that xReaders are just a treasure trove of ‘what-the-fuckkery’, and deviantArt is just a treasure trove of xReaders; so it kind of makes sense that we have a YET ANOTHER fic from there. Let’s get started.
You were at the world meeting again,
Alright, first things first. I am at the world meeting. Does that make me a country?
not paying attention to America’s “hero” speech. You were siting next to Canada and England as always.
…Why am I always sitting next to Canada and England? WHY CAN I SEE CANADA?
You were staring out the window, blocking out America’s voice completely when suddenly America asked you a question.
”______? You agree with me right?” America asked with THAT grin on his face.
‘Huh? Agree about what?! Damn it!’ Your inner-self yelled.
*I* Would know if I paid attention at a seemingly important meeting where they discuss ‘world issues’. But, fuck it. I don’t need to pay attention to that shit.
Everyone in the room remained silent, waiting for your answer with curiosity.
You fumbled with your hands, thinking hard about your answer.
“Um s-sure?”
Holy shit, guys. Imagine if he had gone on about, like… Nuclear bombing the rest of the planet as his suggestion?
The everyone in the room gasped except for America who had the HUGEST smlie on his face when you answered.
…Why do I get the feeling that I was right about the nuclear bombs? O.E
The next thing you know, America is CRUSHING you in the longest and suffocating BEAR HUG you have ever been in.
“See?!? ________ agrees with me!” America shouted across the room.
It was getting kind of- who were you kidding?! YOU COULDN’T EVEN BREATH.
One, it’s ‘BREATHE’. With AN ‘E’. Why does everyone get this wrong? ‘Breath’ refers to taking a single, solitary breath. As in, ‘he/she took breath’. Breathe, or breathing refers to the action itself.
GET IT RIGHT.
“AMERICA FOR THE LOVE OF MAPLE LEAFS!! She can’t breath! Let her go!” Canada shouted, prying America off you.
I am having the time of my life trying to imagine Canada whisper-yelling that at him. Plus, isn’t America meant to have super strength? How the flying hell can Canada PRY him off of you?
Everyone’s jaw dropped except for yours and Canada’s. “HOLLY SHIT! ENGLAND THERE’S GHOST!!!! GO AWAY!!!!” America screamed at the top of his lungs. “WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?!?”
WAIT. WHAT IS HAPPENING?So, everyone thinks that there’s a ghost because Canada (successfully?) pried America off of you. Makes sense.But why are they yelling ‘England’?! AND WHY IS AMERICA YELLING ‘BLOODY’?! AT LEAST I THINK THAT’S HIM.AMERICA CAN SEE CANADA, THOUGH. THEY WERE EVEN PLAYING CATCH IN ONE EPISODE. WHY WOULD CANADA BEING THERE BE A SURPRISE?THIS IS NOT MAKING ANY SENSE!
THAT WAS IT. FOR YOU AND CANADA. You and Canada were best friends, ever since you guys met.
WHY ARE WE BEST FRIENDS? WHY CAN I SUDDENLY SEE HIM? WHEN THE FUCK DID WE MEET? WHO AM I? A COUNTRY? A PERSON? WHAT IS GOING ON?!
The next thing America knows, he is being SLAMED against the wall, gasping for air.
Who is doing this to America? Canada?
As for England, he was thrown out of his seat and pinned down, with you on top of him, gripping on his tie with your DEATH GRIP.
WAIT, WHAT? WHY AM I PINNING ENGLAND DOWN? ALL HE DID WAS JUST SIT THERE IN AN ORDERLY FASHION? THIS IS ASSAULT!
“ITS CANADA. SECOND BIGGEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. SUCK ON THAT.” You both said it like you read each other’s mind.
…Because Canada would totally say ‘suck on that’. Totally.
“M-MATTIE! LET GO! I C-CAN’T B-BREATH!”
I think that this may actually be 2P!Canada. It’d make a bit more sense.
”_____! W-What the hell are you doing?”
Seemingly assaulting the Englishman.
”_____! Canada!” Yelled China and Japan, both of them prying one of you off the person.
…They can see Canada now?
You and Canada returned to your seats, but were refusing to look at England or America. Everyone still had an ‘What the hell just happened?’ look on their face.
Well, I certainly have a ‘What the hell just happened?’ look on MY face.
Then it hit you.
‘What the did I just agree to?! I swear a god if its another war..someone is going to die..and its not going to be Canada.”
Do, I, erm… Just not pay attention and agree to random shit all the time? If I’m supposed to be a country, then I honestly can’t see myself functioning very well.
“Canada. What the heck did I just agree to?”
Canada blinked a couple of times. “You weren’t even listening?! America said we are going to play the dating game right now…AND YOU AGREED TO THE BACHELORETTE!”
…This is going to be interesting.Any particular reason WHY America wants to play a dating game in the middle of a world conference?
If you had a glass of water, you would of spit it out on Canada.
But since I don’t, that bit of description was totally useless.
“OKAY SINCE THAT IS OVER. Japan! blind fold ____! And take her to her seat!” Alfred said.
“Hai! Sorry ______ -san.” Japan blind folds you and leads you to a seat.
“Wa? I don’t want to! Canada! Help!”
“OKAY! Japan cover her ears so she doesn’t know who’s playing!”
“Hai!” Japan covers your ears.
I can see in no way that this could possibly go wrong.
(Alfred’s POV)
“Okay who wants to play?” I looked around the room for hands.
“Oh! I vant to! Pick zhe awesome Prussia!!”
PRUSSIA. Y U SO BADLY CHARACTERIZED?
“Prussia! Dude awesome! Okay you’re going to disguise your voice with this microphone and sit on the other side of the wall.”
“Kenese~ Ja!” I handed Prussia a microphone and he sat in his seat.
…You know, from his idiolect, Prussia would be amazingly easy to distinguish.
“Next! Who wants to pl-” I smirked and turned to my good friend Britain.
“Britain! My man how about you?”
“BLOODY HELL NO.”
“Yay! Britain is playing!”
“No i’m not-“
WAIT, WHAT? He’d probably be even EASIER to pick out that Prussia!
China and Japan dragged Britain to his seat and handed him a microphone. I looked around for hands again, then I saw a tan hand in the air.
“Mi amigo! I wish to play~”
“Ah! Spain! Dude awesome! Get up there then!” Spain got up from his seat and grabbed a microphone and run up there.
“Awesome! Japan! Take ____’s blind fold off!”
“Hai!
…Why do I get the feeling that if anything, this dating game will end up being something along the lines of ‘recognize the stereotype’ variety?
(Your POV)
Japan finally took off my blind fold and handed me a mic.
“Use this to ask questions okay _____-san?”
“Yeah okay.”
“You may start asking questions _____-san.
Wait, so if I refuse to ask questions, I won’t have to play? HA HA!
“Okay. Um this one’s for all the bachelors. If I was sick, what would you do to make me better? Bachelor number one your answer?”
… *I* am an idiot.
“Ah zhat is an easy question! I would make you breakfast in bed because i’m awesome! Kenese~”
HM. I WONDER WHO THAT IS. IT IS JUST SOOO DIFFICULT TO TELL.I’M GOING TO JUST GO AHEAD AND GUESS THAT IT’S CUBA (!).
‘I love breakfast in bed!’ I thought to myself.
“Bachelor number two?”
“Hm…Oh I would cook you something lovely to eat!”
Just then the whole meeting room screamed in terror! There were screams of,”NO DO NOT LET HIM ANYWHERE NEAR THE KITCHEN!!” and screams of,”NO IF YOU EAT HIS FOOD YOU WILL DIE!!!!”
Wait, so the crowd just pretty much told you who it was. Nice going.
‘God this guy is a bad cook, EVEN germany is screaming in terror!!!’
“O-Okay..Bachelor number three?”
“Ah yes princesa! I would cook you some tomato soup with chicken and rice!”
America, this ‘game’ was a total fail, you know.
“Oh I love rice! I mean next question! Um question for all the bachelors. If someone beated me up, what would you do? Bachelor number three?”
“Ah! Nadie da una paliza a mi princesa! I used to be a pirate. I’ll make them pay for beating up mi princessa! No one can touch you!”
Really? Are you going to make it THIS HARD for me to guess who is who?
“I only understood half of that! But that sweet.” I covered my mouth, I said it out loud. “Err…Bachelor number two?”
“I used to be the most feared pirate in the whole seven seas! They’ll regret it.”
“…Lair..”
…Wait, what? ‘Lair’? Did you meant ‘liar’?
“What are you talking about!? I was a better pirate then you!”
“Lies.”
“You shu-“
“OKAY BACHELOR NUMBER ONE?”
“If anyone touches you..Zhey will end up in a vorld of hell! And zhey vill have zheir vital regions invaded!”
“Err…Okay. Bachelor number two and three..I’m not good at slow dancing..What would you do to help dance better? Bachelor number two?”
“I would lead you though it, until you get the hang of it.”
“Bachelor three?”
“Mi princesa~ I would take your hand and dance to our own beat. I don’t care if your not good at it. I would just want to dance with you.”
‘Oh my god! That was so sweet!’
I actually want to shoot myself right now.
“Okay. This ones for all the bachelors. Would you proclaim your love for me? Bachelor one?”
“Hm…my love for____..Oh! I vould Proclaim you are zhe awesomest girl I’ve ever met and zhen I vould stick to you like glue!”
‘Aw that’s sweet.’
“Bachelor two?”
“Hm..I would tell you are the most beautiful lady i’ve ever met, tell you what I like about you and tell you I love you so much And that I only want you, no one else.”
My face got red from that answer. ‘Damn it! I’m blushing now!’
“B-Bachelor number three?”
“Mi Princesa. I would tell you i’ll only look at you, tell you you’re the only one for me.”
The lack of capitalization is absolutely shocking.
There was “Aww’s” and “OH MY GOD that was SO SWEET!”
‘God! Both of them are so charming!’
“Okay last question. I’m scared of thunder and lightning. What would you do?”
“I would keep you in my arms, pretected from anything.”
“Mi Princesa. I would snuggle close to you and have you in my arms the whole night, and nothing can hurt you.
“I vould let you curl up in my arms and just be vith you.”
…So they’d all do the same thing? O.e
“Okay _____-san who do you pick?
Let me guess, from it being a readerxEngland fic, I pick England. Even though he REALLY doesn’t stand out here…Ugh. Just this fic…It isn’t as bad as it could have been.The concept isn’t HALF bad, It just could have been A LOT better.The reader has Mary-Sue like qualities, there’s A LOT of spelling, grammatical and word-substitute errors, it’s hard to distinguish whether I’m meant to be some country and the concept of a game where all the bachelors are meant to be a mystery is just thrown out of the bloody window.
